Cloth Diapers??

I want to cloth diaper my child. I was raised changing cloth diapers and I feel this is the responsible ecological thing to do (Not to mention economical).

Yesterday Brandon and I ventured to Target to "register". We have no delusions that we will be able to afford everything that we need. We diligently went up and down every isle scanning items that we thought we would need (and yes, some items that we just liked), and when we got to the end (the diaper isle) we couldn't find any cloth diapers. NONE!

At this point a Target employee happened to be walking by. We asked her if maybe we were looking in the wrong spot. She appeared confused at our request and kept repeating "Cloth diapers?" as if she had heard us wrong. Finally after wandering around lost for 45 minutes (ok seconds) she flagged another employee who after repeating "cloth diapers?" several more times, whipped out his walkee talkee and radioed for help. We were led back a few aisles where we found a cloth diaper.

No I do not exaggerate here. ONE cloth diaper. No they were not sold out. They simply only offer one option. There weren't even diaper pins. Or rubber pants! Unfortunately, this isn't just frustrating for me. It further compounds my husbands belief that formula feeding and disposable diapers are okay. Well no they are not! At least not for me. I know everyone parents differently but I feel so adamant about these two topics. I feel more lenient about the diaper issue, but I don't need some corporation dictating how I parent, and especially not influencing my husband!

Now I know. I know I'm old fashioned. But really people??? I can't conscience forking out thousands of dollars for disposables when I can simply reuse a cloth diaper. Oh my god BABY POOP. For reals folks. I've dealt with worse.

Okay so I figured I would "google" diaper covers. What I found were new fangled reusable diaper "systems". Don't get me wrong these systems are neat. But WHOA $100 for a starter kit? Maybe I'm just cheap (and apparently a little bit delusional), but why can't I just buy rubber pants and some safety pins?

Fortunately for me I'm a bit more resourceful and I found these:

(CUTE!)

and this little gem:

http://http//www.ehow.com/how_4465193_make-plastic-lined-diaper-covers.html

Fine world! You won't give me my rubber pants?? I'll make my own thank. you. very. much.

Now all I am worried about is my lack of a sewing machine. Hmmmm....

Sock Monkey!

Okay, so I think there is an eesny weensy tiny possibility that I just might be nesting. SO! I have decided to make a sock monkey.

Wooohoo!

I don't have a sewing machinge (well I do, several actually, but not a one of them made it on the cross country trip to Hicksville) so I will be making it the old fashioned way!

I am SOOOOOO excited!!


I also found a pattern (I almost said recipe, oops!) for a sock ELEPHANT. Cute!
So now all I have to do is destroy some socks (and maybe a pillow for stuffing!) and voila! a comfort object for the nursery!

We find out on Monday if the little tyke is a boy or a girl, and I can't wait to start getting things ready. People keep asking me what our "theme" is going to be. (Babies come with themes??) I want it to be DINOSAURS. My husband is skeptical of this. He thinks that girls don't like dinosaurs. But I do! I guess I don't count.

<--- This little bugger begs to differ!

I am already toying with the idea of a sockosaurii experiment. I think I'll try my hand at the Monkey just to get the hang of it. Who knows, may be IU (Identity Unknown) will have a sock baby collection. HA! I like the idea of it...

Is there a such thing as Partum Depression?

Alrighty. So I feel sad today. I've felt sad for several days. I'm struggling with getting up in the mornings and quite frankly with DOING anything at all. Sometimes I feel like I'm not ready to be a mom. Wouldn't it just be easier if I wasn't pregnant? Then I just feel like a bad person, and I feel even worse for even thinking that.

I keep having nightmares (and daymares) that there is something horrifically wrong with the baby. I can't sleep. Most days I don't even feel pregnant. I'm not showing yet, so then I wonder if the baby is growing like it is supposed to be.

A few weeks ago I was following a pregnancy board and I though how absurd it was that all of these women were buying dopplers so that they could hear the baby's heart beat whenever they wanted too. I felt so sure that everything was fine and everything would continue to be fine. I don't know what changed! Now I cannot wait until my appointment next week. I'm so afraid that I will go for my next ultrasound and find that the baby has stopped growing.

I've been trying not to break down every five minutes because all I really feel like doing is crying. In fact I did have a total break down this weekend. Lucky for me I have the best husband who knows how to deal with me when I'm a complete wreck. He's pretty good at telling me everything is going to be okay, and letting me cry it out.

I hate to say that I'm feeling antagonistic towards the baby, because that's not the right word. I don't feel anything. I haven't felt it move yet. I just feel sick and tired and afraid. I know my hormones are completely on overdrive right now, and I noticed it was a full moon this weekend, which never helps my optimism, but I wish I would start feeling better already! I am so sad. I'm tired of feeling sad. People always talk about how pregnancy is such a miracle, and how everything is worth it, and it should be the happiest time of your life! They fail to mention the part where you wonder if you can do it at all.

Beware: This might be an overshare!

There have been so many things going on over the past few weeks that I guess I've had trouble coalescing my thoughts into something "blogworthy"-that being said, there has been something that has been bothering me for some time now.

Mainly: that I don't feel like being touched.

More to the point, I don't feel like getting, you know, intimate.

My sweet loving understanding wonderful husband is having a hard time with this. And I don't blame him! His stupid friends have been telling him that he should have known all along: Marriage=No Sexy Time. Or at the least less and less and less sexy time.

I don't want him to think that its him. Because its not! I just don't want to. I know its cliche, but I'm tired and I have a headache. I'm more than willing to cuddle, but mostly I just want to sleep.

To be honest the idea usually makes me a little sick to my stomach. How weird is that?

I feel better in the mornings ("morning sickness" is SUCH a misnomer) but we usually have so much going in that it feels like work to try to fit in a little "us" time.

Plus now it hurts sometimes, and I find myself feeling all protective and mama bear-ish. I know its normal and healthy to have sex when you're pregnant, but I just feel so off all of the time.

It makes me feel so horrible! In fact I'm crying a little bit while I write this (but that's not really news, as I'm pretty much a walking puddle these days).

I just feel so bad for Brandon. It has got to be hard dealing with the crazy woman that I have become. He never (ever) says anything to make me feel bad, but I can just tell that he's disappointed.

Maybe I should buy him some porn?

This is for all you people who think we don't need healthcare reform:

Excuse my french but F*** you. Right in the ear.

My deductable for having this baby is $5,000. That's right 5 large. Almost half of my yearly salary. NOT to mention the $186 I pay monthly just to have the insurance. And that doesn't even include ultrasounds, blood work, or lab tests. It doesn't include Brandon, or our unborn child. NO. That's just for ME.

Now Brandon has been paying for his own health insurance through the Reserves. Not much, but enough anyways. And guess what? He hasn't gone to the Doctor once in over two years. And when the going got tough, and we thought we were going to lose our house? Well we payed the most important bills first. (You know like the ones that keep us fed and sheltered?) So the insurance bill got neglected. Irresponsible? Sure. Understandable? Completely.

Except. Except!

That now, because the bill became 30 days past due, NEITHER of us qualify for Tricare insurance. FOR A YEAR.

Tricare. The insurance that would allow us to pay less than I pay for myself a month, for our whole family. Tricare that has no deductables. Tricare that covers all of my ultrasounds and blood work. NOPE. We can't have it because we ran into financial difficulty and did what anyone would have done.

Want to know the real kicker??

We don't qualify for Medicaid. We make too much.

So what do I do now? Quit my job so that I can afford to have my baby? Does anyone else see how ridiculous that is? Because we both work full time, we can't get government assistance??

This is WRONG. This needs to change.

So much for LOSING weight!

So for the first 8.4285 weeks of my pregnancy I LOST weight.

7.3LBs to be exact.

I was like "WOooooo!"..... Oh wait...?

I think that period is officially OVER.

I kind of can't suck in my "little pooch" as my co-workers so aptly put it.

I can't decide whether I'm just bloated, or if I really am starting to show!?

I think it might be time to start thinking about buying a belly band - (its this sweet little piece of spandex fabric that lets you unbutton your pants so you don't have to buy maternity pants for a while, for those of you not in the know).

I think my little baby thought I wasn't feeling pregnant enough (or the universe wanted to teach me "be careful what you wish for"??)

Either way, I've been feeling decidedly nauseous and icky since the commencement of my 8th week. So much for my NO pregnancy symptoms. Now I get too feel like hurling on top of my blinding headache!

Also my hormones are ALL OVER THE PLACE.

Poor poor Brandon....

He's been really good about it though. He hardly bats an eye anymore when I go from sweet and cuddly to PREGGOSAURUS. And he buys me Pizza and ROOT BEER! Wooooo for Brandon!

The Cat is out of the BAG!

...Or should I say the Baby is out of the bag??
I simply couldn't keep it in any longer!
I'm happy to say that my parents took it better than I anticipated (I'm not sure what exactly I was expecting, but WOOOOOOO! none-the-less!)
It appears that everyone is as excited as I am!

Now I have to tackle the daunting task of telling my BOSS.
How will she take it? I have NO IDEA.
It officially takes me out of the running for one of the two major horse shows that I'm supposed to attend to promote our products. (Not that I'm all that upset about that, but she might be.)

I can't wait to tell my co-workers so they can stop thinking I've been coming in to work hungover for the past three weeks.
Yes I AM tired. Yes my head DOES hurt.
NO. I did NOT have a little too much to drink last night!
Plus then maybe they'll stop clucking like chickens when I have TWO donuts.
No more "I thought you were on a diet..?"
or "Isn't that fattening?"
Whatevs! I'm supposed to gain weight bitches! Jealous???
Bahahaaaa.

Oh, I guess I forgot to tell you.
Instead of having a summer BBQ this year, our boss decided she would "surprise" us with a 3 month free subscription to Weight Watchers.
I am officially the only woman in the building NOT on a diet.
I don't care what anyone says.
Pregnancy ROCKS!